..alive, still!

Still alive and kicking.

Akalain mo, last post ko pala dito was September pa. -_-

Nothing much...'cept for the fact that yeah, Candy's influence is still alive in me (let's just say na 'di na dapat "Devil" yung nakalagay sa title ng blog :) ). Thank you.

Speaking of Candy, there's still this teeny tiny ray of hope na patawarin pa nya ako sa ka-o.a. -yan ko. Basta sabi nya don't push it muna. Sige. I'll be here waiting. I've already told you this kahapon, Candy, but eto... I'M SORRY, I NEED YOU.

With that said, kahit yung mga palagi kong inaaway-away palagi before, i am trying my very best na makipag ayos na. Case in point: si Stella, my ex. She's happy with a new bf, and i think we're okay naman dapat. BUT. Just today eto blocked na naman ako for some unknown reason. UPDATE: Nevermind, her bf blocked me. Pero at least may communication pa din kami somehow. Heh heh heh. :D

On a lighter side, i've been into cooking and baking, all thanks to a certain someone. Even though i've given up on you kasi narealize ko na waley pa din akong maipapagmalaki sayo and that palagi naman akong 'seenzoned' sayo, i'm still gonna resume this new additional passion of mine. I actually created a blog all about it; pero it's too early pa to show right now.

Oh well, ayun lang. Uber busy lately dahil nagpatung patong ang mga freelance tasks; but..keri ko to! Kelangan ko ng pang-sustento sa new passion ko! Hehehe.

"Dear Friend"

I don't know why, pero parang isinumpa na talaga ako na lahat ng itinuturuing kong sobrang mahalaga sakin e at some point in time e mawawala na lang sakin..

Si Candy. I thought sya na yung papalit kay Lohne (my 'dead' bestfriend); umabot pa nga na i dedicated a whole blog post for her. (see previous post) Pero ayun...

Medyo napapansin ko na din naman lately eh. Hindi na katulad ng dati na halos magdamag kaming magkachat, as in inaabot pa ng madaling araw..

She knows a lot about me, and I know a lot about her -- as in kahit yung stuff na hindi dapat malaman alam na namin both sa isa't isa.

Clingy ako eh. Mabilis at sobra akong ma-attach sa isang tao na alam kong makakasundo ko. And the thing is, bihira sila.

Lately, ayun, umaabot ng three or four days na wala kaming communication. I guess it should be okay,i mean, c'mon, hindi naman kami (and we both know na mahal na mahal nya ang bf nya), pero, ..

She's the only one i had. Si Len (my ex-wife), yeah, andyan pa din naman sya, pero, seriously? And sina parents, i know they will always be there for me; even si AJ syempre palagi din andyan... pero, iba eh..iba talaga..

Yesterday binati ko sya kasi birthday nya, and i mentioned something na... i know never naman nya ako inacknowledge as her bestfriend, pero i will always consider her as my bestfriend  pa din... I said that para at least maconfirm ko kung ano ba talaga ako sa kanya. I was expecting something along the lines of "no,anu barn, you are indeed my bestfriend, or at least one of my bestfriends!"

Pero,..

Here it goes...

Nope, hindi nya nga ako bestfriend. And worse?...

..ako daw eh..

"Dear Friend" lang nya...

I felt so pathetic, desperate, and humiliated -- but most of all, nasaktan ako. Damn, bestfriend na nga lang yung hinahanap ko; hinding hindi na ko maghahanap ng girlfriend o ng asawa, hindi pa maibigay? :'(

So, all this time na kung anu ano na sineshare namin sa isa't isa, all this time na i was always there for her pag hindi nya mahagilap ang bestfriend nyang girl or yung boyfriend nya, all this time na I LOOKED UP to her and treated her as my closest sister that i never had?...

..wala lang pala yun? so i'm guessing ganyan ka lang talaga sa lahat ng friends mo? :'(

Nagbago ako. And this time i CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. Dahil lang sa kanya. Everytime that nagkwkwento ako sa kanya ng something nega, everytime na gusto kong gumawa ng masama sa kapwa ko -- like i always did...

...andun sya para pigilan ako. And hindi lang basta basta pigilan eh.. andun sya para pigilan ako,stating the reason kung bakit nya ako pinipigilan.

And strangely (rather thankfully) enough, SA KANYA lang ako nakinig at naniwala. Seriously, i'm over 200% different than the JC everyone knew before dahil lang sa kanya.

Pero ayun, i was ONLY a "DEAR FRIEND".

I was so proud of her. Kahit sinong makipagchat sakin, and napapansin nila kung gaano na ako "kabait" ngayon? I will always tell her na "It's all because of my bestfriend, Candy. Siya lang ang nakapagpabago sakin ng ganito." and they will reply na "if only alam ko lang na ang Candy na yan ang makakapagpabago sayo, matagal ko na siya sinundo at dinala sayo" or "sana matagal mo na nakilala ang Candy na yan."

*sigh.

Call me emo, but i'm crying right now. Lately, lahat na lang ng ginagawa kong mabuti, ang isinusukli sakin is doble dobleng negative stuff. Sadya bang ganun?

I feel so alone again... :'(

Kung hanggang ngayon hindi pa din tapos ang karma sa mga pinag-gagawa kong kalokohan before, ...okay. I understand. Tanggap ko...

Because a "dear friend" once told me that everything happens for a reason; and that i should stay positive no matter what.

:)

Hehe, this post will overshadow the fact that i am now jobless. Wala, intro lang.

It was way back in October or November. I was newly hired by another game development company (while at the same time working for another game dev company. hehe, kahit saan talaga traydor ako.).

Anyway. My boss in that said company invited me to a chat conference, and it was there that i met... HER.

Her name is Candy. I wouldn't say her last name; but, let's just say ka-apelyido nya si "Maya". Bahala na kayo mag interpret. I got uber curious about this girl; for the fact na ang position nya is a game designer. Anong nakakagulat dun? Well, kapag game designer ka, matalino and creative ka.

Matalino and creative? My kind of girl.

Being an accomplished stalker that i am(hehe, proud pa talaga), i googled her. I found a couple or so results, pero i wasn't convinced na sya yun. After like a week of searching (joke, mga ilang oras lang), oh well, what the hell, i-chat ko na lang. :P

Buti na lang i did.

At first, okay naman, typical acquaintance talk. I told her some stuff about me, and in turn, sinabi din nya yung mga current na nangyayari sa buhay nya. Then after a few days, *I THOUGHT* close na kami; and basta ka-close ko  ang girl, automatically inlove na din ako. jusko.

I told her just that, and whaddya now, basted ako (jeez, may gumagamit pa ba ng 'basted'? dapat pala 'friendzoned'). Umabot pa nga sa point na todo drama ako and i wanted to commit suicide (hahaha, tanga lang). But anyway, after a few days, okay na ulet kami. And dun na nagsimula.

Nagsimula ang ano? Kala nyo kung ano,noh? Hahahahahahahahahaha,no.

Dun nagsimula yung pagiging bestfriends namin.

Now,typically, eto yung kinahihinatnan nung mga basted, pero, ewan,iba 'to. Kasi after my brother 'died', i've never really met someone na papalit sa kanya. Well,oo, dumating sa phase na yung ex ko e naging bestfriend ko afterwards (yeah Tilay, ikaw yun), na kinonsider ko pa ngang official na pumalit sa kapatid ko... pero, ayun, wala eh. Di talaga kami magkasundo. Maya't maya may pinag-aawayan.

Pero si Candy? ..well, ..ang masasabi ko lang is.. "finally."

Alam na nya lahat lahat ng nangyayari sa napakagulong buhay ko, and, not surprisingly, alam ko din ang mga nangyayari sa buhay nya. At first akala ko hanggang dun na lang yung closeness namin eh....

Yun pala...

....hanggang dun na lang nga.heh heh heh.

..chos. read on..

So, ayun, right now, i feel very, very, very happy kapag kausap ko sya. We talk about random shit most of the time, pero sympre madalas din namin pag usapan yung mga seryosong stuff; and even though minsan magkaiba kami ng opinyon sa mga bagay bagay (sa religion,specifically), di kami basta-basta nag aaway. We talk about it until okay na. And ayun, balik topak na ulet.

Basta may problem ako, hanapin ko lang sya, and i feel a whole lot better after namin mag usap. And in turn, isang "HOY" or "oist" or "psssst" lang nya, andun ako para makinig sa mga probs nya.

And the weird part is, wala akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Seriously. Totally. Wala talaga.

...Astig.

So yeah, to you, yes you -- my "m'lady", my "bastard" (well,actually di ko pa sya natatawag ng ganito; pero sya din kasi nag bring up nyan as a male counterpart dun sa tawag nya sakin na "bitch"), my.. "dilat". Thank you for being there for me as my "best budd evAr". Siguro patay na ko ngayon kung wala ka sa buhay ko. (and actually, agree sya dyan.) :))

I will always and forever be your "bitch".. your..."fag"...your "bading"...and your... "manwhore".. (hahaha tawagan lang po ito, wala po ibig sabihin)..Basta,wag na wag kang mawawala. kahit pa mag-asawa ka na. And ako pala. Pero imposible na.hahaha.

I remember telling you that "you're like me but with a moral code intact".. and yeah, i'll stick with that,sorry :P

Pero dadagdagan ko:

"Dilat, you're like me, but with a moral code intact -- which makes me a better man every single day." 

...wag ka na magrereact. pabayaan mo 'ko :))

Semi-related comic. And oh, she didn't like the fact na ang ikli ikli nung suot nyang blazer dyan. Sorry naman.hahaha.

The dream.

Last night i dreamed about being a ghost; specifically, a ghost who traveled back in the past. Eto yung year/era na bata pa 'ko; as in, around 8 to 12 years old ako? Pero yung isip ko at mga experiences ko until the present time was still intact.

And guess what? Ang pinakaunang gusto kong gawin sa dream ko was to write a letter to my future ex-wife saying na:

"Kapag nararamdaman mong nagloloko ang asawa mo, please, wag na wag na wag kang bibitaw. Kasi in time bigla syang magtitino, and babawi sya sa lahat ng nagawa nya..."

Dreams, according to studies, are part-mystery, part-scientific. Scientific kasi, eto daw yung way para masilip natin kung ano talaga yung totoong nasa subconscious natin; kung ano yung nararamdaman natin kapag gising tayo pero pinipilit nating itago. Mystery, kasi may mga chances that it predicts the future.

In my case, oo, it's accurate -- both in the mystery part and the scientific part. Yun nga lang, bumitaw sya.

Oh yeah, and i woke up crying.

Sikat na ko! .. Well, sort of. -_-

Damn.

But first, this (click on the image to enlarge):

Okay, so i posted this one in FB, right? Then one certain individual na i think naghahanap talaga ng away e tinag yung kakilala nya which in turn e magaling sa vector art. Then boom. Dun na nagsimula.

The comic spread like wildfire. >_<

Kumalat na sya sa kung saan saan; it gained notoriety. May mga automatically naging hater ko and madami dami din naman na sumuporta sa akin. In as little as ONE HOUR.

Sobrang daming discussion, arguments, bangayan ang nangyari sa Facebook afterwards; akala ko nga di ko kakayanin eh. I mean, i just created a comic strip that were NOT supposed to be taken seriously and then ayun, apparently balat sibuyas pala sila.

Jeez. That's just a comic; even more, it's a HUMOR comic. I really, really expected na yung mga OPEN MINDED individuals e maiintindihan ang fact na yun. It's not about ME hating vector art. Hindi dapat binabasa yan "per panel" per se, but dapat iniintindi from START to FINISH. E sabagay, ang mga pinoy kasi, magaling sa pagiging O.A.  kahit hindi pa alam yung buong story.

So ang nangyari dyan:

Some vector dude: (reads the FIRST panel) ..watda!? my feelings are hurt! i don't care about the REST of the comic kasi nasaktan na ko sa una pa lang! magrereact na ko ng todo! gusto ko mang awaaaaay!! graaaahhhh!!

..or something like that.

Pero the thing is, kung babasahin mong mabuti yung buong comic, the main character is even GUILTY of tracing images din. And that's the POINT of the WHOLE COMIC STRIP. That's the PUNCHLINE. Hindi yung fact na nagttrace ng images ang vector artist.

But like i said, mga PINOY nagbabasa eh. malamang todo react agad.

And yeah,my point yung isang close friend ko, na isang aspiring vector artist din. Sabi nya,kung alam naman nya sa sarili nya na magaling sya, hindi sya masasaktan at magagalit and instead mas pagbubutihin pa nya. I salute you Domz Luna.

And finally, symperds, may say dyan ang aking "best budd forevah" na si Candy, na nagsabing:

"i am only responsible for what i say, not for what you understand"

Oha, lumiit pa yung font. Hehe. but anyway, aside from them andami din naman nag encourage saken na wag masyado ma-guilty at mag alala sa ginawa ko. And for that,thanks.

But anyway, i made peace with the Vector dudes. Okay, that's the last comic strip na tinitira ko kayo. Sa sunod iba naman, hehe. But hey at least hindi na kayo. Basta, sorry! Wag kayo magpapaapekto sa isang hamak na comic strip kasi mas kilala nyo ang sarili nyo!

People, this is freedom of speech, this is freedom of expression. Sana maintindihan nyo. :)

Bumabalik ata yung Ulcer ko dahil nito. Deymn.

Ang Kulit ni Babe! Hahaha

Hehe misleading yung blog title. Kala mo may gf ako eh noh. Eto yun (click on the image to enlarge):

Hehe,sana palagi na ko makagawa nito; kahit once a week. Ang tanong: sino si Babe?!?! She's not who you think she is (dun sa mga kakilala ko. i'm sure kasi may hinala na sila kung sino). Basta, none of you know her. Hahahaha!

Oh well, Babe is right. Sobrang busy para sa ganito. Pero at least i'm trying! Tune in soon for more blog comics! (or comics blog, whatevs)

..Woo-hoo. -_-

Sila na.

Or, at least that's what it looks like sa pics na nakita ko. Very, very obvious. As in they didn't even bother to be discreet about their sweetness and shit.

Now, i'm not mad or anything; it's more like...uhm, this:

O_O

then, followed by this:

O_o

then this:

-_-

then, finally, this:

:P

So yeah. Like I said, i'm not mad. I'm even happy for you, but i don't really care anymore.

I have one last request: if you know who you are, please, just don't bother me anymore. He can provide you with all the stuff that you need. Seriously if i can just block your number again dito sa phone ko i would have. Unfortunately walang ganung setting yung phone ko.

Okay, one last time: I'm not galit. Pero my reaction is just.. "..ugh, okay, whatevs." I have nothing against you, or him (especially him; he's a good guy); ..just...be happy. Be contented. And with that said just don't bother me anymore. All the people that i would want to be with are starting to disappear one by one -- kung kelan i'm starting to get motivated na finally magbago na.

But then yeah, back to normal. :)

P.S. Nasabi ko ba sa post na to na please don't bother me anymore?...I did? Oh, okay. Whatevs. :)

... :'(

..i've never felt so alone.

..eto yung mga times na binababa ko yung mga defenses ko and i just cry uncontrollably. yeah, what they see is that arrogant and offensive guy na akala nya nakakatuwa sya sa mga observations nya and shit... pero eto, di talaga maiwasan..

..i'm messing up again. big time. i'm 28 and ano na narating ko?

..wala pa din.

..meron,actually.madami.pero..iba eh.bakit ganito pa din?bakit wala yung satisfaction na hinahanap ko?

..bakit wala yung happiness?

..naalala ko ang sabi ni Stella.. "ikaw mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan para layuan ka ng mga taong malapit sayo"

..and she's never been so right.

..dahil na din sa kapalpakan ko, i lost my bestfriend. i lost my wife. i lost that certain someone na di ko aakalain at napansin na minahal pala ako ng seryoso.

..tapos eto, i actually tried opening up to someone that is super special din para sakin, and you know what i got?

"solve it yourself"

..may point sya,pero, ewan... i'm alone.

..i've never been so alone... and i've never been so scared.

..someone please help me. :'(

PS. yeah,there's supposed to be some kind of novel na ipopost ko dapat about my recent experience with "someone na di ko akalain at napansin na minahal pala ako ng seryoso", eh, di pa tapos. hehe. basta sa ngayon eto nararamdaman ko :'(

..reminiscing.

MiSleading yung title ng blog post noh?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_liar

Akalain mo, meron pala Talagang medical condition ang pagiging sobrang sinungaling.

HonEstly ganito ako, pero, i know someone na either kasing level ko o baka mas mataas pa ang pagiging ganito.

According to the Link above, eto yung tipong hindi makatiis na hindi magsinungaling...as in instantly may maiisip siLang "believable" kasinungalingan if the situation needs it. Siguro may ganitong condition yung mga mAgaling mag-palusot. Natatamaan ako pero like what i've said, i know someone na mas magaling or ka-level ko sa pag-ganito. Pero napaisip naman ako, mas magaling ako magsinungaling i guess, kasi, alam kong nagsisinungaling sya sa karamihan ng mga palusot nya eh. Like, all the time. :P

Eto pa isang condition:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoia

The condition comprises of even more branching sub-conditions, but basically, ganito yung mga mahihilig tamaan sa facebook posts; or in this case, a blog post, kahit hindi naman sila yung pinatatamaan. Suckers.

Ano connect? Wala lang, madami na nakakaalam ng blog ko, and i'm pretty sure one or two of the people who reads this blog will definitely be affected by this post even if hindi sila yung pinapatamaan ko.

Come to think of it, who knows? I'm just trippin' right now and i'm just "lying" about this post; na wala naman ako pinapatamaan talaga; just to see kung sino yung may "paranoia"?

Astig, two semicolons in one sentence.

BOOM! Single.

Sayang, 'di na pala lumalabas sa news feed ng facebook kapag napalitan ng 'single' ang status. :D

Anyway. Yeah, single na ulit. Hays... sino ba niloloko ko?..Pinuwersa ko lang ang sarili ko na magmahal ulit... kala ko yun yung magpapasaya sakin..yan tuloy...may sinaktan na naman ako.. :(

Well, actually, *I THINK* minahal ko naman sya eh.. ang weird lang, bakit sya lang yung gusto kong mahalin? Bakit hindi ko kayang mahalin yung anak nya?..

I mean, di ba dapat automatic na pag mahal ko yung isang tao,dapat mahal ko din yung kahit sinong involved sa kanya,and in this case, yung anak nya?... Pero, wala eh, hindi talaga. I know it's unfair,kasi i have my own son na tanggap naman nya ng buong buo..

Siguro dahil hindi naman talaga ako mahilig sa bata? And mabibilang lang yung gusto ko talaga na bata; probably tatlo lang sa ngayon: my son (AJ), yung anak ng bestfriend kong babae (Bachi), and yung pamangkin ng isa ko pang ex (Chloe). See? TATLONG bata out of over a dozen kids na may kinalaman sakin ngayon (pamangkins, etc).

But hey, at least my son is lovable; yung sa kanya kasi medyo may pagka-pasaway (hindi pala medyo, sobra pala) and palaging pinapaiyak yung anak ko  and  palaging may vibe sya na gusto nya sya lang yung masusunod... sorry pero ang sarap bigwasan eh. -_-

Ano ba 'tong pinagsasasabi ko... oh well, siguro nga hindi ko minahal.. ewan..

Peeeroooo, nakakaguilty pa din talaga eeeeh. Wala na ko maiireklamo pa sa kanya... i mean, she's submissive (it's a good thing,yes), subservient (yes, still a good thing), and she's pretty naman... ano pa ba hahanapin ko? Pero ayun, after all the time (?) and effort nya sa akin, ganito pa din, iniwan ko pa din sya.

To you, you know who you are.. I know nasabi ko na 'to sa text, pero, i'm really, really sorry. Who knows, maybe this is just a phase? And sooner or later bigla kong ma-realize na mali pala ako,and bumalik ako sayo?
..uhm. Nevermind. Mali pala yun.

My thoughts are utterly unorganized right now; and siguro kapag nasa huwisyo na 'kong magsulat ulit ng tungkol dito i will, pero sa ngayon gusto ko lang talaga ilabas 'to.

Haha, funny, after a chat with another close friend of mine (Mafe), it ended up with me saying:

"..tol, ihanap mo ako, kahit bading basta may matris."

>_<

Feels like HEAVEN. :)

With regards to this post:

http://devilmaypry.blogspot.com/2013/04/shitshitshit.html

Uhm, there are no appropriate words; pero my initial reaction to her response was:

:)

I ask you this: Pano mo maiinsulto ang isang taong aminado na demonyo sya, kung ang gagamitin mo din lang pang insulto e yung pagtawag mo sa kanya ng 'demonyo'? O_o

Pero anyway, THIS is how you get someone's attention. Hindi yung pagpopost sa isang facebook group ng "hoy!pansinin nyo ako! look oh! binlock ko si jc malapit!" ..pathetic. -_-  Ang kinakalabasan kasi, basically pinost mo yung ganun shit to get attention, something like, "uy,bakit mo sya binlock? ang galing galing mo naman!" .... jeez. -_-  ..and yeah, hindi naman kita papakialaman talaga KUNG HINDI MO IDADAMAY ANG PANGALAN KO or anything that pertains to me. Pero wala eh, kinailangan mo pa talaga sabihin na binlock mo AKO. Yun lang yun eh.

Mahalaga sakin ang hindi mapahiya sa members ng grupo na yun, kasi as far as i can remember, AKO YUNG BUMUO DUN.

Di ko babawiin mga sinabi ko, and i can say a lot of stuff to finally eradicate you and your reputation down the drain. Pero, i'll leave it at that kasi nangangatal ka na sa galit. :)

..And yeah,because di ko naman kinakalimutan yung "pinagsamahan" natin.  I just needed to let it out kasi as far as i know wala na tayo pakialaman, wala na tayo damayan, pero kinailangan mo pa talaga ipangalandakan sa kanila na bnlockED mo 'ko. :)

Speaking of which, after all these, I DIDN'T GET ANY REAL EXPLANATION AS TO WHY I WAS BLOCKED; actually, isa din yan sa reason ko kung bakit ako ganito maka-react ngayon. Pero that wouldn't matter anymore; basta ako i have my own problems to deal with so please BUG OFF. I won't go "hey guys! check it out! i posted shit about my ex named <insert her name here> and i want y'all to look at it para maawa kayo sakin!", so please, if you're really educated and "god-fearing", seriously, PRETEND NA LANG THAT WALA KANG KILALANG JC MALAPIT. :)

P.S. Most likely somewhere out there may tao ka na namang pinagsusumbungan nito, tapos dadagdagan mo na naman ng kung ano pang miscellaneous details para mas mapasama yung image ko. C'mon, you've already posted a shitty response on your blog kanina lang; i saw that na, and para sa kapakanan mo sana wala na ko mababalitaan from my sources na dinadamay mo na naman ang pangalan ko kasi mas masisira ka pag ako yung hindi nakapagpigil. You are very much aware of who i am, which group i belong to, and what i am capable of. :)

..SHIT,SHIT,SHIT. :)

Kapag eto di pa nya nabasa ewan ko lang. :)

Ang ganda ganda nung tulog ko, tapos pag gising ko ganun yung makikita ko...

"oh? sorry. di ko kita. naka'blocked sya e "

Uhm. So bakit yan nakikita ko? But that's not even the case. Bakit gusto mo pa ipangalandakan sa lahat na you blocked me? Ang masama pa nito you blocked me dahil according to you, "gusto mo lang."?

Yeah, sabagay bihira ka naman na makapag online, and ugali mo naman na magpapansin with "oooh, look at me and my heart ailment!" and minsan "hey guys look at me, kinakahiya ko na may nakaraan ako with him kaya eto kelangan nyang mapahiya sa ibang tao!" ..sige,pagbibigyan. :)

Look. Nananahimik na ako eh. Di na kita pinapakialaman. Tapos makikita ko na you blocked me. Tapos ang dahilan mo "gusto mo lang". WTF? Tapos eto ka na naman, walang wala na ko pakelam sayo eh. Tapos makikita ko sa page na yun na pinagmamalaki mo pa sa kanila na bnlock mo ko? Di ka din KSP noh?

And yung drama mo na wala naman talaga ako care sayo? Na ang sabi mo pa e something like "you don't careS about me"? (yes, she mixed up 'you' with 'care' na may 's' :D)? Oo, wala na kong care sayo, kasi until now ganun ka pa din... na ikaw na nga yung inaalala,ikaw pa yung napakataas ng pride...it's as if ikaw din ang tumutulak palayo sa mga taong gustong mag alala sayo...And you wouldn't even admit this; most likely after mo mabasa 'to para ka na namang palengkera na magmumura ng magmumura sa facebook or sa page na yun or sa mga GMs mo...seriously, STOP.

Oh, and it's "naka'block", without the "ED" sa dulo. Kasi nga nilagyan mo na ng "naka" sa unahan. :)

P.S. This post was a very impulsive response against what i saw; and most likely after a day or two i'll go "oh man bakit ko pinost to, sorry sa tinamaan ko" or something. Pero this is one of the very rare occurrences na di ko pinagsisisihan yung post ko :D

Achievement Unlocked!

..Achievement Unlocked! For the first time ever, nakapanood na ako ng sine na mag isa!
..and from now on I will be posting special achievements na din. :D
..now that i think of it meron dapat akong isa pang achievement na dapat ilagay,yung manood ng sine na ako lang yung tao (well,actually,dalawa pala kami,hehe) kaso i don't have any pics of that event. hopefully meron sya. ehem ehem.

..that's it for now, pero i will be posting a review of the movie na pinanood ko, soon!

I'm sorry...

It's 9:30pm and uber sakit ng ulo ko.

I know this blog should be about me and my rants about random shit, but lately things are getting really out of hand.

And, for this particular post, I will be addressing someone that is close to my heart.

Yeah, ikaw. Ikaw na di pa nababasa ang kahit anong laman nitong blog na to. Nabasa na 'to ng ex ko, ng best friend ko na babae, even my ex wife i think nakabisita na dito; along with all the Facebook friends ko na may pakelam sakin.

Pero I don't know if papabasa ko ba sa'yo 'to or not; unless mabasa mo 'to ng di sinasadya dahil may nagchismis sayo and i'm very sure mangyayari yan.

Alam mo ba kung sa'n tayo nag-simula?

Sa text.

Nung una getting to know each other chuchu muna, as usual. Tapos nung nagtagal you told me that you're interested in me; and dun na din nagsimula yung 'panliligaw' mo. Tigas ng mukha ko 'no? Ako pa talaga ang niligawan? Somehow,alam ko namang ang main challenge sa'yo nung time na yun e para mapaamo ako, para subukan na mapa-ibig ako. And don't even try to deny the 'challenge' part, kasi may basehan ako which is kaw din naman ang nagkwento.

Pero sige, fine. One evening 'di ako makatulog, until something inside me instructed me to text the words "i love you" to you. Honestly di ko alam kung saan nanggaling yung desisyon na yun, pero I did it anyway. And dun na nagstart.

Tayo na.

Pero hindi dun natapos yung challenge mo. Ang bago mong aim is to make my love for you 100%; kasi inamin ko naman sayo na yeah may feelings na ko sa'yo pero hindi pa buo. Ginawa mo lahat and I appreciated it. And I couldn't stress this enough: ginawa mo LAHAT.

Again, sige, fine. I told you na 100% na yung feelings ko sayo after natin magkita for... the 2nd or 3rd time.

...huh?

Yeah, sa ilang buwan na ligawan ek ek natin, nagkita lang tayo ng tatlo or apat na beses. Now, nung mga times na hopeless romantic ako, and that was nung high school ako, naniniwala ako na posibleng mangyari na pwede mong mahalin ang isang tao kahit nagsimula kayo sa text.

Pero that was before.

Ngayon na nag-mature (weh) na ang isip ko, i've realized stuff, and one of them e yung fact na hindi magandang pundasyon yung sa text lang nagsimula.

Now, we're having problems. Naiilang ako sayo kapag maya't maya mo gustong tumawag. Hindi ko alam kung ano irereact ko every time na may nakakakilig kang sasabihin sakin. Palagi na lang tayong di magkasundo. Oo, sumasagot ako ng 'i love you too' kapag sinasabihan mo ako ng 'i love you', pero we both know na parang KULANG.

Alam ko mahirap ang situation mo -- na hindi ka pwedeng basta basta lumabas kasi nga may inaalagaan ka ng anak at uber strict ng parents mo (parang high school lang?), pero... I'm sorry...

Para sakin...

..Kung gusto mo talaga na maging consistent ang nararamdaman ko sa'yo, kelangan mo nang gumawa ng paraan para magkasama tayo ng madalas. And i won't even tolerate any excuses na sana, kasi ang dami dami dami dami nagsasabi sakin na "KUNG GUSTO, MADAMING PARAAN."

Ang hirap hirap magkaron ng emotional investment sa taong bihira mong makita. Worse, kung magkikita nga kayo, wala din kayong privacy kasi laging may nakabuntot. Ako if gusto ko ang isang bagay, if gusto kong magkita tayo somewhere far away, na wala akong kabuntot, KAYA KO. Kasi it's for the sake of our relationship.

E ikaw? Kaya mo ba?

After re-reading all of these masasabi ko lang talaga na ang tigas tigas ng muka ko, pero totoo lahat yan. And ikaw, again kung mababasa mo 'to, i'm sorry pero wala na akong ibang naiisip na outlet para paglabasan ng sentiments ko kundi dito.

Nasasayangan ako sa "napundar" natin. Ayokong basta basta itapon na lang lahat. Pero kung gusto mo talagang ipaglaban 'to, please, ayoko na ng text or tawag lang.

Ikaw mismo yung kailangan ko.

Kailangan kita sa tabi ko. I will do everything for you and you can do the same for me, but please, sana ginagawa natin ang mga bagay ng magkasama tayo. Yan for me ang pinaka magandang pundasyon para sa isang relationship. Hindi yung sa text or tawag lang ang kilig moments natin.

Do your part, and i will definitely do mine as well. Ganun lang yun.

Ngayon, magtetext ako sa'yo, para makipag ayos. Para at least mabawasan yung bigat sa mga dibdib natin.

Pero that wouldn't mean na sure na sure na balik tayo as dati.

Sana destiny could find a way para mabasa mo 'to. Now that i think of it...

Fuck this shit. I am my own destiny.

And ako na mismo magsasabi na basahin mo 'to.

I just need to let this out.

..arguing with someone na alam na yung takbo ng pag iisip mo is like a pencil na walang tasa: pointless. :D

..c'mon girl, ilang taon na tayo magkakilala (and di lang basta magkakilala,mind you), so malamang alam na alam ko na yung ugali mo na kahit buhol buhol na yung statements mo at wala nang sense e gagawa at gagawa ka pa din ng way para manalo sa arguments. -_-

..though yeah,fine,it's been a long time since nag argue tayo,and i kinda missed it :P

My Son, the Emo.

..out of the blue, my five year old son AJ approached me and whispered: "..ang nakaraan ay past"

Me: ..yeah,so?
AJ: gusto kong bumalik sa past.
Me: ..para san?

..it took a while para makasagot sya, then finally he answered:

"..para ayusin ang pamilya natin."

..my mom was teary-eyed, and me, di ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko. seriously? this five year old booger na ang alam lang na topics e cars,toys,and politics (yes, politics) e makakaisip ng ganung bagay?

..if only pwede kong sabihin sa kanya na "it's too late, kid. masaya na kami ni mother mo sa situation namin ngayon" nang hindi sya iiyak, i would have.

Patriot nga, tanga naman.

..i don't get these people..
..nagagalit kayo sa malaysia dahil sa trato nila sa mga pinoy dun ngayon?
..tell me. in the first place alam nyo ba kung bakit ganun yung ginagawa ng malaysia sa mga pinoy? di ba dahil dun sa KSP na sultan na umeepal at nagkakakalat ng lagim dun sa malaysia dahil sa pilipinas daw ang sabah?

..if being makitid ang utak is what it takes to be some f@ckin "patriotic" pinoy, then kayo na lang. wag kayo ngangawa sa mga nanay nyo kapag nainis ang malaysia sa katangahan ng pinoy at pasabugin na lang tayo bigla,oks? :)

QUICK n' EARLY REVIEW: Juan dela Cruz (ABS CBN)

..been watching Juan dela Cruz for quite some time now; and even though it borrowed (read: copied) a fair amount of elements from Castlevania (specifically, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow), i must say na interesting pa din sya overall.

..Albert Martinez is doin' great portraying his role (a powerful but calm and collected lord of the aswangs), while Coco Martin fits his character as well (the estranged son of Albert who is both a hero AND a potential villain; being a half-blood aswang himself). And of course, who could forget Erich na crush ko kung tataba pa sya ng konti. :))

..i have a feeling that Juan dela Cruz will belong "up there" right next to Mulawin and Pedro Penduko at mga Engkantao as one of the best telefantasya series.; basta wag na wag lang nila tatahakin ang direksyon ng walang kakwenta - kwentang Zaido (bakit kasi nilagyan ng ZAIDO KIDS JUSKUPO).

WANTED: Kararo :D

‎..me and my five year old AJ, nasa jollibee.

..AJ was lookin' at a kid sa kabilang table, holding a toy truck.

..being my usual self, todo react ako sa ginawa nya, saying:

Me: ..dude, (referring to AJ) you're five years old and you already have your very own laptop, your very own desktop computer, and your very own tablet! aside from that, we have a Playstation 2, a PSP, and you can have virtually any toy that you want...so why the heck are you still looking at another kid's cheap plastic toy?!

AJ: ...i'm not looking at the toy, b*tch. dun ako sa bata mismo nakatingin. magkano kaya sya? bilhin mo sya. gusto ko kasi ng kalaro sa bahay eh. yun yung di mo pa nabibigay sakin.

..natameme naman ako. 

MORAL LESSON: ..kahit gaano pa kadaming materialistic sh*t ang ibigay mo sa anak mo, maghahanap at maghahanap sya talaga ng actual, real life na kalaro / friend. :P

Quick Review: Pitch Perfect (2012)

It's 2:36am and i've just finished watching the movie entitled "Pitch Perfect" (in HD, which i downloaded for less than just 2hours! i f*ckin love my internet connection!). I thought i should write a very short review about it, heck, i guess it's not a bad idea to start posting movie reviews here from now on. :)

Without further adieu, here we go:

What I liked about it:
* ASTIG acappella performances. And I mean ASTIG.
* I laughed (okay, just giggled) on some of the supposedly funny scenes. That one with the asian girl doin' a snow angel on vomit (let's call it "vomit angel" then) was pretty hilarious.
* The main character. She's cute. She also played Scott's sister in Scott Pilgrim vs The World.

What I hated about it:
* Characters are one - dimensional.
* Plot seemed too... incoherent. It's as if the whole movie was some multi - episode TV Series mindlessly combined into one.
* There were so many "..wait, what?" moments. I literally had this expression: "o_O" after watching some of the scenes.
* The main character. Yeah, she's cute alright, but most of the time she had a very generic facial expression even if she was supposedly happy or sad or angry.

Summary: The very cool acappella performances compensated for the movie's lack of plot / sense. It's as if the producers said "hey, let's do an acappella - centric movie and build a quick story around it" which sucked. But anyway, the more "established" critics out there gave this film positive reviews, so go watch it anyway. :)

7.5/10

..Well. O_o

..by accident (or fate was being funny), i kinda clicked on a random link from my facebook newsfeed. it said something like:

"Anna Meyri likes Princess Shii's Photo"

..'Princess Shii'? seems familiar.

..yeah so i clicked on the link, and saw a pic of my ex, Stella, with her twin sister Anna and her nephew Kent. pretty normal, i guess.

..but that wasn't the "fun" part. i saw this 'Princess Shii's' profile picture. i was, ...well, rather, surprised?

..it's actually Stella, with her now-boyfriend Ivan (which i will now passionately call 'the thing'). okay, i'm not THAT surprised, because i've known Stella for so long and she's the type that creates a new account when she wants to 'move on'. :))

..but anyway, i didn't see that coming.

..yeah, i know she already has a new boyfriend (we had our usual 'bangayan' chat just a few days ago and it ended up with her revealing that she has a new bf), but seeing that 'thing' with her was kind of a shock.

..i don't know if this is just ego, or i'm just being bitter (though i'm pretty sure i'm not), but seeing her with that  'thing' kinda made me... well, both sad and happy for her.

..sad, because:

• well, i should really start staying away from her now. i hate exes with new bfs. :P
• i will kinda miss our fights (haha) and how she's this uber masungit girl BUT when we're the only people around she's uber sweet.
• again, not being bitter, but i'm very, very sure that i'm a whole lot better than that.. 'thing'.
• i've done a lot of bad things to her and to some extent, her family.
• more than that, i did something that changed her life forever.
• and even more than that, i was supposed to make it up to her and to her family, but now i will never be able to.

..and of course, happy, because:

• simple. because she's happy now.

..Well. i'm pretty sure she wouldn't read this, but,...

..

..

..yeah, Stella, i'm happy for you; because i'm very sure i'm happy now. please, please be happy and contented with Ivan. or else i will punch that 'thing' in the face. :)

..Holy Sh*t

..wadahell.

..mom and i were talkin about money. tapos sinabi nya sakin na madami kami babayaran na mga utang and all. na kailangang kailangan namin ng pera.

..strange. sa buong buhay ko never ko naramdaman na wala kaming pera.....or, baka never ipinaramdam sakin ni mother ko na wala kaming pera.

..i shrugged it off. di ako nagcomment nung sinabi nya yun. dedma lang.

..tapos nung tumayo na sya sa upuan, ...err,..teka bakit parang biglang nagkasipon sya? she kept sniffing.

..then i realized,..baka..umiiyak sya? >_<

..okay. now kelangan ko na talaga magtino sa work. to hell with the distractions!

..time to get serious.

.....sana. please,sana makicooperate ang sarili ko sakin.please.

Hala..?

Not to be emo, but...

..kanina lang, as in, just a few minutes ago,...

..bigla na lang ako umiyak.

..and the good thing about it is,...

..i cried..

..dahil masaya ako.....?

..Distracted.

The title says it all.

Damn, i'm so fuckin' distracted these past few weeks (maybe even a month!). I tend to browse for random stuff, play the PS2, or play with my kid (not that it's totally bad) instead of doing my work.

What the fuck is happenin' to me? I'm pretty darn sure that i do love my job, but then how come i still tend to slack off?!

I've been given a warning. That i really should step up or else i'll be fired really, really soon.

And the bad news is, i don't even care. >_<

*sigh.

P.S. ..weh. di pwedeng mag-tagalog? haha! :P